Busy young professionals in the Washington, D.C. area, Erik and Nikki Vonderhaar have radically altered their lives over the past three years—a process that led them to welcome a baby girl into their family through domestic infant adoption. The transformation happened day by day, as they took small steps that led to big changes.
With their daughter busy playing and sometimes pulling one of them away, the young couple shares in an exclusive Bound4LIFE interview how they saw their way through practical details of paperwork and home preparation … once they refocused emotionally and spiritually.
Bound4LIFE: Why did you both decide to open up your home to adopt a child?
Nikki: We both had a heart for adoption, but our calling to adopt really crystalized around our 10-year anniversary.
We had tried to get pregnant for about seven years and experienced several tragic miscarriages along the way. After our third miscarriage, we started seeing specialists to try to find out what was happening. Something was going on in my body to keep the pregnancy from continuing to full term. We went through three cycles of IUI (intrauterine insemination), but each time it was unsuccessful.
Erik and I really prayed about what our next steps should be. The hormones I was taking with the IUI affected my body and emotions to the point I could not function well and we weren’t sure if we wanted to continue down that path. We sought out our pastors for some counsel about the options we were considering. They were so helpful in getting us to refocus and to move forward with clarity.
We wanted to gather more information before deciding what to do. We had found Bethany Christian Services online and saw that they were doing a local informational meeting for people wanting to learn more about adoption.
The Bethany meetings were great—but before making a decision on what path we were to take, we stopped and focused on praying. We felt like we were not to move forward until we had clear direction from the Lord. We ultimately decided not to continue with IUI and started asking the Lord if adoption was the route He wanted us to go.
Bound4LIFE: When did that moment come of knowing the way forward?
Nikki: We waited for a couple months—not trying to figure it out on our own, but to hear from God. It was important that we were on the same page, both feeling called to adopt. We didn’t want to be in a place where one of us felt pressured by the other about adopting.
During a time of worship at the end of a Sunday service, I remember singing the song “Waiting Here for You.” I got down on my knees and prayed to the Lord: I just don’t know what to do anymore.
I felt so clearly that God said to move forward with adoption, and quickly. I shared with Erik afterward, and he felt the same. We actually had small group that night and shared with them immediately that we could use their prayers as we began the process.
Bound4LIFE: What did those first steps look like?
Nikki: The very next day I called Bethany Christian Services. We got our initial application in and deposit by the end of that week. Usually it is about a four to six month process, from application to approval. Given the sense of urgency we felt, we were able to get through each step quickly and were approved in just over three months.
Because friends have adopted, we were prepared for this to be a fairly invasive process. You’ve got to do a lot of things: go to the police station and get fingerprinted, do full background checks, then they review your finances and inspect your home. But the process didn’t overwhelm us.
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