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We were created and designed by God to operate heterosexually, and although that identity may have become distorted, or remains unformed, we embrace it as God's intent and by faith open ourselves to whatever healing God might have for us. Even still, we do not derive our identity from what may result, but from what God has declared from the foundation of the earth (Gen. 1:27-28; 2:18-25).
A change of desire (or attraction) ...
This begins with loving God more than the idols of our past—those things that named us, and falsely promised to provide identity and completion. As we pursue a love relationship with God the Father, He begins to unravel the mysteries behind our same-sex attractions and shows us what to do about them. For some, it will be things that made them repulsed by certain characteristics of the opposite sex. For others, it may be incidents (or beliefs) that created fear or hatred of the opposite gender.
For still others, it has more to do with deficits they experienced in their same-gender identity formation, thus leaving them with an idolatrous bent toward their same sex and a never-ending search to acquire the masculinity or femininity that was never called out or affirmed in childhood. The range of possibilities is too great to cover in this article, but even if we had a perfect blueprint of our brokenness, that alone would not bring healing. Only God can do that. And only He can reveal the series of actions, and the timing of such actions, that can transform us. Don't get me wrong—knowing why helps, but knowing Him is what heals.
We have a penchant for focusing our hope on the wisdom of man, for trying to fix ourselves, for unbelief and for returning to idolatry when things don't proceed according to our timetable. We also have a strong tendency to waver in our commitment to the process and to the necessary pursuit of an intimate relationship with God the Father. These are common and great impediments to progress. But our God is longsuffering, patient and full of grace.
My "healing process" has been ongoing for the last 34 years, though the lion's share of it happened during the first seven. I did not go through a program, a support group or counseling—not that there's anything wrong with that, as long as those don't become the focus of our hope for change.
I learned the process of transformation from the Spirit of God directly, through His Word and through His Church. As I knelt in worship before Him, night after night, singing love songs to Him, savoring His Word, laying out my needs, periodically He would show me the root of one of my problems. Then He would show me what to do about it. It was that simple. It is that simple. Not easy, but simple.
We are transformed into His image as we gaze upon His glory (2 Cor. 3:18), through the washing of the Word (Eph. 5:26), through a healing of our broken hearts (Is. 61:1-3) and impartations of identity and affirmation that went missing in childhood. While I worshiped Him, He imperceptibly took away my fear of woman. I didn't even know He was doing it but only saw the evidence of it after the fact. As I sang hymns in seminary chapel services, I became a man among men. In that safe place of faith and worship, I became solid, integrated. As I focused on Him rather than obsessing on me and my problems, He solved my problems, one by one.
Am I still tempted? Yes, just like the former porn addict, smoker and chronic gossiper! God doesn't give us lobotomies at salvation. I still retain all the memories of my past, and they do haunt me from time to time. And the demonic realm still retains its knowledge of how to blast me every now and then. But I now know where to take those temptations (Gal. 2:20). I no longer allow them to name me or drive me to sinful actions. I use them instead to run back into the arms of my Savior, to practice my dependence on Him and to obtain His power over them.
My behavior has changed, my beliefs have changed, my identity has changed and my desires have changed—at significant levels. I am nothing like I used to be, yet very little of what God intends to make of me. And during the past 34 years of ministry, I have met thousands of others who have left homosexuality behind and found healing and transformation through Jesus Christ.
"Is change possible? That's what it's all about!"
David Kyle Foster is a graduate of Trinity Evangelical Divinity School (M-Div) and Trinity School for Ministry (D-Min). His autobiography, Love Hunger, has just been released by Chosen Books, and he is the author of Sexual Healing and Transformed Into His Image. He is also the executive director of Mastering Life Ministries and the producer/director of Such Were Some of You.
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