I Now Pronounce You Man and Cow—Don’t Judge!

(Because I know there will be one person out there who may not realize it, this first section is satire to open our eyes)

Bill Chill is from North Dakota. Several years ago he realized that he was not attracted to women—or men. But his true love is his cow Annabelle. Next week he and Annabelle will make it official during their marriage ceremony, now that the Freedom to Do Whatever the Heck I Want ACT has been passed. Barack Obama has called Chill a hero and example to all the bullied kids of America. He plans to invite Bill and Annabelle to the White House after their marriage for a special dinner and grazing.

The LBGTA (“A” for animals) community is calling Bill “courageous” for bringing this former taboo into the mainstream. ESPN is giving him the Arthur Ashe of Courage award to be presented by former winner, Bruce, I mean, Caitlyn Jenner. ESPN doesn’t seem to understand or care that this, like Mr./Ms. Jenner’s transformation, has nothing to do with sports.

“All my life I knew I was different,” said Chill. “When my friends were going to prom I was ridiculed when I showed up with my goat Lisa. They just didn’t get me. Wow, how times have changed. Lisa, may she rest in peace, is gone, but I have found true love again with Annabelle.” Annabelle had no comment. But there is no truth to the rumor that her mother was served at the reception dinner.

Whenever anyone mentions the slippery slope upon which we are sliding down at a record pace, the left cries homophobe. But honestly, where does it end? Bruce Jenner is a hero? Really? Obama has tweeted praise to Jenner.

I would love to comment on what achievements truly take courage—like fighting terrorism, defeating ISIS, defending Christians that are being beheaded and raped (when will you find time to tweet about those things, Mr. President? Maybe between the front nine and back nine?)—but this blog is taking a different path.

Once you declare that men and men can marry, you have opened Pandora’s box. Now, men can be women. In fact, if you even call Jenner, Bruce or Mr., you are bigot. Kids are being raised by leftwing parents, being told, “You get to choose when you are ready, whether you are a boy are a girl.” Soon, three people will want to get married (in fact it has already happened).

And in the not too distant future there will be calls for every type of perversion imaginable.

• Fathers will want to marry daughters (already one case this week!) or sons.
• Perverted men will demand the freedom to have sex with little boys.
• Siblings will demand the right to marry each other—and be declared heroes for doing so.
• Polygamy will be allowed.
• And Bill Chill and Annabelle will live happily ever after.

There is no end.

And the reason there is no end is because the new philosophy that is being legitimized is this: Who are you to judge someone else for the way they feel or what they desire?

So if I think Bruce is still Bruce, then I am mean, a bully—yes, a homophobe (which is ironic, because I don’t think Bruce is gay—or is he?). But how dare you then turn around and judge someone who likes kiddy porn. He was born that way. What is wrong with being a pedophile? He, too, was born that way. By the current trend, he is not a pervert, he is merely different. And we must embrace it.

Just because you want something doesn’t make it moral. What if I want to drink and drive? Don’t judge me. What if I want to steal—I find the challenge exhilarating? The funny thing is I used to steal as a teen. But I chose to stop doing something I enjoyed (at the time) because it was wrong!

This is why we need definitions. Good and evil. How do I know that marriage is between one woman and one man? Very simple: God said so.

“Therefore a man will leave his father and his mother and be joined to his wife, and they will become one flesh” (Gen. 2:24).

God has made Himself clear.

God’s design for marital relationship is heterosexual not homosexual, and it’s monogamous not polygamous. This relational aspect of God’s image in marriage has analogues portrayed in Yahweh’s relation with Israel (Is. 54:5; Jer. 31:32; Ezek. 16:8-14; Hos. 2:14-20), as well as in Christ’s relation with the church (Eph. 5:21-33; cf. 1 Cor. 11:1-3; 2 Cor. 11:2; Rev. 19:7-9). Israel is portrayed as Yahweh’s wife (Is. 54:5; Jer. 31:32; Ezek. 16:8-14; Hos. 2:14-20). Her idolatrous unfaithfulness and disobedience to Yahweh are frequently depicted as spiritual “adultery” (Num. 25:1-4; Judg. 2:17; Jer. 3:20; Ezek. 16:15-59, 23:1-48; Hos. 1:2, 2:2-13, 3:3), for which she was punished with captivity. Yahweh “divorced” his “unfaithful wife” (Is. 50:1; Jer. 3:8; Hos. 2:2), but ultimately will have compassion and delightfully restore her to faithfulness and holiness (Is. 54, 62:4-5; Ezek. 16:53-63; Hos. 2:14-3:1).[i]

Not only have we redefined marriage, but now we have redefined something that 99 percent of 2-year-olds comprehend: Gender. We have entered into a time about which Isaiah prophesied:

“Woe to those who call evil good, and good evil; who exchange darkness for light, and light for darkness; who exchange bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter!” (Is. 5:20).

Ron Cantor is the director of Messiah’s Mandate International in Israel, a Messianic ministry dedicated to taking the message of Jesus from Israel to the ends of the earth (Acts 1:8). Cantor also travels internationally teaching on the Jewish roots of the New Testament. He serves on the pastoral team of Tiferet Yeshua, a Hebrew-speaking congregation in Tel Aviv. His newest book is Identity Theft. Follow him at @RonSCantor on Twitter. For the original article, visit messiahsmandate.org.