The quickest way to erode the trust in your marriage is to keep secrets from your wife. I never intended to cheat on my ex-wife. But secret conversations eventually evolved into frequent conversations; and frequent conversations led to detailed conversations about my life, my wife and our issues. It all led to the destruction of our trust and the eventual destruction of our marriage.
When you communicate with other women, are you potentially being foolish, or are you being a good husband? Allow me to share some advice I've had to learn the hard way about communicating with women other than my wife. Here are three don'ts and three do's for communicating with women other than your wife.
First, Three Don'ts: :
1. Don't ever complain to another woman about your wife or let another woman complain to you about her husband. Why? Because when you complain about your wife, you're dishonoring her; and also, because your wife didn't give you permission. If you want your wife to respect you, you must respect and protect her dignity. Never disrespect your wife by talking negatively about her to another woman. And don't let another woman dishonor her husband by complaining to you.
2. Stay away from topics about sex, secrets and struggles. Why? Because it's none of her business, and when you talk about these intimate topics with another woman, you're discrediting your wife. Never break the trust and intimacy between you and your wife; don't be cavalier in your conversations with other women.
3. Never meet with women in private settings (especially online). Keep it public so other eyes can see you. Temptation operates best in secrecy; so, keep your meetings in public view. I know that's not always possible, but I'll share some tips on how to do that below.
Now here are three do's:
1. Always mention and talk about your wife favorably. Why? One it honors her (there's that word again), and it also sets up healthy boundaries and fires off what I call "safety flares" that let other women know you are taken.
2. If at all possible, invite your wife into the conversation. Especially if the woman you're talking to is going through a crisis. Ask the woman if it would it be OK for your wife to join the conversation, or ask the woman to talk to your wife instead of you. That may not always be possible, but at least ask. Look at your wife as a reinforcement.
3. Tell your wife about your conversations with other women. I don't care how small or trivial you think the conversation was. Why? Because this holds you accountable to your wife.
If conversing, chatting, counseling or comforting other women makes your wife feel uncomfortable, it should make you uncomfortable. Don't call her crazy; instead, ask yourself why you're more concerned about how the other woman feels than how your wife feels.
Honor your wife in everything you do—especially when it comes to talking to other women.
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