Fifty Shades of Defilement

I have been shocked and surprised to read in comments by Christians about Fifty Shades of Grey that the Bible supports married couples doing whatever they want in the marriage bed—thus giving divine approval to BDSM (Bondage, Domination, Sadism, Masochism) between consenting spouses. Often cited is the KJV Bible version of Hebrews 13:4: “Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge”—as though that verse supports such a notion.

Let’s look more carefully at Hebrews 13:4 before letting that pass, for it has been the justification for all sorts of abuse and other perversion in the marriage bed over the centuries. Hebrews 13:4 is actually saying just the opposite of “husband and wife—do what you will in your sexual relationship.” The Greek word “amiantos” actually means “undefiled in the sense of being kept pure” and most decidedly NOT in the sense of “do whatever sex act to each other that you both agree to.” It is saying that the marriage bed is to be kept pure from defilement, not “given a license for defilement.” Just because two married people agree to defile one another does not mean that it is biblical or in any way healthy.

BDSM, anal intercourse (sodomy) or anything else that damages the body is a gross defilement of the marriage bed and God’s intent. Any proctologist or urologist will tell you that anal intercourse always causes damage to the body of the recipient. It goes against the natural design of the body and is a breeding ground for disease.

There are, in fact, sexually and emotionally broken people who have grown up believing that they are meant to be victims—that they were born to be dominated, humiliated and rejected. Their “Yes” in the marriage bed to sodomy or sadism is a manifestation of a serious brokenness that should be healed, not reinforced by further abuse or justified by quoting Hebrews 13! And the willingness or desire of their spouse to inflict such pain and physical damage on them is itself a manifestation of his or her own spiritual and emotional sickness, possibly birthed from their own childhood sexual abuse or bondage to pornography.

Married couples who desire to be defiled in this way (whether by inflicting or in yielding to such mistreatment) need to be healed from an interior self-hatred, condemnation and probably a few other things. They need to seek inner healing and possibly even deliverance ministry. They need to repent of and renounce such activities and to seek God to expose the roots of such unholy desire. And He will set them free from its power over them and give them tools to use to resist future temptations in that direction. I recommend as an initial resource the library of free videos at: purepassion.us

Those who desire to read about or watch such activities in movies also need to seek God to expose the roots of such desire. Perhaps they haven’t acted it out yet, but their desire to play the voyeur is itself an early warning sign that should be heeded. One of the most hidden and intransigent of strongholds of the fallen heart is the unacknowledged love of a sin. Even if a person refrains from acting on that love, it is a still a love that must be confessed and surrendered before the Cross of Christ because it holds a place of affection in the person’s heart. Christ wants our whole heart and must become the greater love and the only object of our worship.

So what then should be the standard for sex between spouses? The Bible is clear about what love is (see 1 Cor. 13) and the relationship between husband and wife (see Eph. 5:21-33). Simply put, love does not harm and creates an other-centered devotion that is pure and undefiled. Love expressed sexually is a freedom to do that which blesses in a natural, healthy and holy way. And it must be that way, because ultimately the marriage bed was created to be a sign and a symbol of the loving interaction between Christ and the church (Eph. 5:32). As one of my favorite Bible teachers has said: “Sex is not good. Kelloggs Frosted Flakes are good—ummmm good. Sex is holy.” It is a playing out of pure, self-giving and undefiled love.

As for Fifty Shades of Grey—one only needs to read Ephesians 5:8-12:

“For you were formerly darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light—for the fruit of the Spirit is in all goodness and righteousness and truth—proving what is pleasing to the Lord. And do not have fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness; instead, expose them. For it is shameful even to speak of those things which are done by them in secret.”

Dr. David Kyle Foster is the producer of Pure Passion TV and the recent documentary, “Such Were Some of You” (suchweresomeofyou.org). He is also the author of Love Hunger (Chosen), Sexual Healing (Regal) and Transformed Into His Image: Hidden Steps on the Journey to Christlikeness (now an e-book).