Grammy Award-winning Mandisa is known for her anthemic songs with soaring melodies and bold proclamations, but behind much of it is a difficult reality, one bookended by deep despair before ultimate redemption.
"The album released before she passed away, and I was really looking forward to being able to go back out on the road and bring her out and talk about how she overcame this battle with cancer," Mandisa told CBN's Faithwire. "So, when she passed away, it shook the foundation underneath me and I was angry. ... I was numb. And then I started to question God."
The 45-year-old singer was talking about her friend Keisha, whose fight with breast cancer inspired her hit song "Overcomer." Mandisa recalled feeling so certain her friend would survive and live to tell about her journey to recovery.
So, when that didn't happen, the recording artist's whole world was rocked.
"I kept it all inside," Mandisa said of the grief she suffered and the doubt that resulted from her friend's death. "Before I knew it, I was miserable and hopeless. I didn't want to be around anybody. I stayed in my house for two years, essentially, just eating and getting worse and worse."
"It was a slow fade," she continued, "until the point where I really wanted to end it all."
Mandisa went on to describe a particularly dark moment, when she clutched a handful of pills "and really considered just taking my life in that moment."
God has used all of that pain in her life, though, giving her a window into understanding the anxiety, depression and trauma so many struggle with on a daily basis.
"I'm thankful I didn't [take my life], because I'm able to see now how God has redeemed it," she said. "I still wish my friend were here, but I've learned how important it is to grieve and to walk with God through things like that."
During our wide-ranging conversation with Mandisa, which will air in full on Sunday as a bonus episode of Faithwire's 4&3 Podcast, the recording artist said the biggest lesson she learned throughout that entire season and her struggle since with depression and anxiety came from friends who reminded her of this truth: "We really are made for more than this world."
"So, when we measure God simply in terms of this world," she explained, "we're missing such a huge part of who He is."
For the rest of this story, visit our content partners at Faithwire.
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