If you are in crisis, please call 800-273-8255 or visit suicidepreventionlifeline.org. You are not alone.
Based on her smiles and joy on her popular YouTube channel, The Paul & Morgan Show, you wouldn't guess Morgan Olliges struggled with depression and suicidal thoughts in the past. But she's now using her platform to speak out about her testimony and help others know they're not alone.
"If I wasn't in the place that I am with the Lord, I would probably fall [back] into depression," Olliges says of the difficulty she still experiences today with navigating hurtful comments she and her husband receive on their videos. But she began experiencing depression at the age of 14 and didn't do anything about it for years.
"People say you're your biggest enemy. That definitely was the case for me. I was my biggest enemy; I would take everything that people said about me and I'd be like, 'Yeah, they're right. I am a failure. I am a loser. Like, I shouldn't be alive'—all this crazy dark stuff. ... We need to love ourselves the way that Christ loves us.
"We have to look at, how did Jesus walk? How did He see Himself? He knew that He was the Son of God, and He walked in His power and authority as the Son of God. And that's what we're missing. That's what I was missing. I did not see myself as a daughter of the one true King."
One way that Olliges says she was able to get over depression, beyond her faith in Christ, was through the support of her husband, Paul, and people at her church. But the music she listens to is also filtered, based on the content of the lyrics, Olliges says on the Charisma News podcast on the Charisma Podcast Network. For example, she doesn't listen to Taylor Swift or Billie Eilish from today's pop music culture.
"l actually recently did a live YouTube video talking about Billie Eilish and Taylor Swift. And, I mean, [Paul and I] both strongly encourage people to stay away from Billie Eilish. ... We talked specifically on her stuff because she is so big right now in the world. And her stuff is just very dark, and it carries the spirit of depression and anxiety and just darkness, heaviness. If you are struggling with depression already in your life, this is not the stuff you need to be listening to.
"So for me specifically, I really don't listen to any secular music at all anymore. I used to ... and it's not like I won't listen to that stuff now, I just don't really listen to the radio so I don't hear it anymore. I just really love Upper Room worship and they're kind of all I listen to right now."
To hear more of Olliges' story and encouragement on overcoming mental illness, click here for the entire episode.
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